One reoccurring theme or should I say conclusion that seems to unravel the knots I slowly create is the wont for me to grow caustic after a disagreements. If a disagreement, where exists no resolution in the matter, but just a floating away or cessation in conversation(to be saved for another time), proves to be sempiternal, regardless of fault, labor, or condition, then I always seem to concede defeat.
There’s nothing worth or auspicious, when individuals can not find resolve. To exhaust one’s measure in search of the cancerous root to expunge, only then to remiss in victory when upon some event marked on Fate’s calendar that this day will be such, that the arguments return, are fruitless.
A popular, albeit rueful theme that is always said is the one about “the grass always being greener..”
This staple is often sung by the envious few(or many) in hopes of something better than what is already gained.
I try not to sign off on such an innocuous saying as being truthful. I never sought in disguise that a better something or someone resided on the other side of that omnipresent fence — a deserving thing or one I didn’t already possess. To toss doubt and caution to the floor, mocking them openly, and exclaim “I know what’s better for me, and I know it’s ‘there'”, is a mechanism best saved for errant fools.
I try not to be the fool on most occasions.
Undeserving fools speak in the tongue of “I deserve better” though they fail at being able to list what it is they deserve better of. Many of the times their harpings are along the lines of material liesure or gain; nothing immutable, nothing invaluable, but always something with a price.
A non-dreamer, who is racked internally with a woe, a sadness, or entreats of doubt kept sheltered, know all too well what they deserve. They can list them in their waking or sleeping states. Their list speaks to the heart, to the mind; to being enlightened, and being loved.
…their list never changes.
…it’s always written in this order.
I have a string, and in time I make some knots. These knots are spaced carefully apart, and represent wonderful memories or lessons.
Now, my knots are reminders. They remind of my reactions, of my emotions–good or bad. Many of the knots are awful reminders of others, leading me by the hand, in earnest, to that aforementioned “grass is green” logic(or illogic). Often times I don’t consider the possibilities proffered by the detached hand. I rarely ever try to consider it’s mission.
Some of them are careful lessons taught to me AFTER awful reminders.
I wish I can unravel many of my knots, sparing the good ones; removing all evidence of them every being there..
I wish that every time an disagreement or an untimely occurs, I can resolve them before they threaten an all important knot.
I’ve learnt however that wishing is for those who lack control, and I’m so tired of unraveling knots.
I wonder if it would be better just to discard my string all together…